If YOU Need Something, YOU Do It, or How To Keep Yourself in Harmony


I don’t believe in moral laws. I don’t give a damn about what is ‘good’ and what is ‘bad’. Everything is relative. Besides, our own attitude can make a situation either positive or negative. What I do believe is there are laws of nature that help to save our energy. From the outside they may look like moral principles, but they have nothing to do with morality whatsoever. The key word here is energy.

There is one simple yet amazingly effective rule in this regard. It goes as follows:

If you need something to be done, do it yourself.

There is another perhaps better known variation of this:

if you want something well done, do it yourself.

Yet this is absolutely not the same. The second phrase allows space for others to do what you need, i.e. if you want something done really well, you’d better do it yourself. The meaning of the first phrase allows no compromise. If you need anything to be done – in any case you are the one who needs to do it.

And by anything I mean absolutely anything. Not only the ‘big decisions’ like changing a job, moving to another country, enrolling into university, etc., but also smaller and even smallest things.

Got angry that the bus got late and you’re late for work? Stupid bus driver, right? Or how about starting from home 5 minutes earlier next time?

Getting pissed off because of dirty dishes in the kitchen sink? Why don’t you clean them yourself, buddy? It’s you who’s pissed off after all, aren’t you?

Screaming because of high workload in the office? Getting fed up with the job – oh yeah, we all know that. Then why don’t take a few time management lessons?

And so on and so forth. You get the idea.


Well, apparently no, if millions of people continue wasting their time on complaining, feeling insulted, angry, frustrated and so on. The list of energy-wasters can be endless here. Yet our energy is limited. Did you know that?

Energy is everything. We need energy to move forward. We need energy to achieve our goals. We need energy to live. To lose money is a big thing. To lose health is a disaster. To lose a friend or a family is a tragedy. Yet to lose energy is to lose everything.

With this in mind, guess who or what is to blame for all your faults, mistakes and wrong decisions? The government? A stupid boss? A bad day?


Just look in the mirror. The answer is there and is obvious.

Ultimately the principle “if you need it – you do it” means owning responsibility for virtually everything you want to change. Instead of complaining, feeling miserable or blaming everyone around we can start taking actions. We can deal with problems instead of getting drowned mentally in them. The amount of energy we spend is the same.


To illustrate the principle put in the title of this post, consider how chores and duties are divided in the two family models described below. Let’s name them “traditional family” and “free family”. Check it out and think – which one would you like to create, and in which one would you like to live? Provided you need a family of course. 🙂

Traditional family: marriage bonds and duties

Before marriage the young couple was held together through mutual interest and attraction. Now there are marriage duties on top of that: as spouses they must live together, run their household and raise the children.

Both husband and wife have their assigned duties in the family. They must perform their own duties and mustn’t interfere with the partner’s. Otherwise the norms of the family life are broken. The blame is always on the one who doesn’t do what he ought to do.

Mutual help between spouses is a must; all problems must be solved together. If a husband doesn’t help his wife, she has the right to get offended and resort to other means to involve him in the life of the family.

Free family: freedom and mutual interest

A husband is not his wife’s property, a wife is not her husband’s property, and they cannot limit (forbid) each other in anything. There are limits of course, but only internal ones caused by respect, love and gratitude towards the other spouse.

Neither husband nor wife have any duties: everybody does in the family what he or she finds necessary. If you need it – you do it. If you don’t like how it’s done by your spouse – do it yourself without complaining.

Mutual help is welcomed, but not a must. Everybody solves his owns problems without putting them on the spouse’s shoulders. My beloved one is not a crutch – I can stand still on my two legs. Thank you if you helped. If not – no problem. Nobody owes nothing to nobody. So there can be no problems or complaints between each other.


The essence of the “do it yourself” principle is not that you must be a jack-of-all-trades, or a superman, or a super housewife that knows or can do everything. You can ask for help if you don’t know or can’t do something on your own.

The idea is YOU need to ask or act instead of being overwhelmed with negative emotions because no one around is helping you.

This is how energy is saved. No complaints, no offense, no harsh feelings – just do it or ask yourself!


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